Seeing situations in extreme, binary categories with no middle ground.
"If I don't follow this plan perfectly, I failed entirely."
Reflection: What does the middle ground look like here?
Taking a single negative event as evidence of an endless, repeating pattern.
"I didn't get this call back. I never get anything right."
Reflection: Am I using words like "always," "never," or "everyone"?
Dwelling exclusively on one negative detail while ignoring all positive facts.
"I got ten compliments, but one critique means I did a terrible job."
Reflection: What positive or neutral facts am I ignoring?
Rejecting positive experiences or compliments by insisting they "don't count."
"They only said that to be nice, not because I earned it."
Reflection: Why am I refusing to accept contradictory evidence?
Assuming you know what others are thinking without concrete evidence.
"They haven't replied because they are angry with me."
Reflection: What direct evidence do I have for this assumption?
Predicting a negative outcome as an absolute fact before it occurs.
"There is no point in trying, I already know it won't work."
Reflection: Am I treating a hypothetical future as certainty?
Blowing a problem out of proportion to its absolute worst-case scenario.
"I made a mistake on this report. I am going to lose my job and home."
Reflection: If the worst happens, what concrete steps will I take?
Believing that because you feel a strong emotion, it reflects objective reality.
"I feel anxious about this, so it must mean I am incapable of doing it."
Reflection: Can I acknowledge this feeling without letting it dictate reality?
Holding rigid, unrealistic expectations for yourself or others.
"I should never get upset. I ought to be further along by now."
Reflection: What happens if I replace "I should" with "I prefer to"?
Assigning a global negative label to yourself or others based on one event.
"I missed the turn while driving. I am such an idiot."
Reflection: Is this a permanent character trait, or just an isolated action?
Taking personal responsibility for external events out of your control.
"The atmosphere in the room was tense. I must have done something wrong."
Reflection: What external factors contributed to this that aren't about me?
Holding others completely responsible for your state while denying your agency.
"It's their fault my whole day is ruined because of what they said."
Reflection: What part of my reaction and response remains in my control?
Measuring your internal reality against someone else's external presentation.
"Everyone else has their life completely figured out except me."
Reflection: Am I comparing my behind-the-scenes to their highlight reel?
Exaggerating mistakes while shrinking achievements (or vice versa).
"That huge project was just luck, but this small typo ruined everything."
Reflection: Am I using an equal scale to evaluate wins and losses?
Believing you are totally helpless OR completely responsible for everything.
"I can't change how I act." OR "It's my responsibility to fix their mood."
Reflection: What is directly in my control, and what belongs to others?
Expecting life or people to always be fair, leading to deep resentment.
"I worked harder, so I should have gotten the credit. It isn't fair."
Reflection: Am I wasting energy expecting the world to match my rules?
Prioritizing winning an argument over facts or relationships.
"I don't care how it made you feel, I was right and you need to admit it."
Reflection: Would I rather be 'right' or build an actual solution?
Viewing anything short of faultless execution as a total failure.
"If I can't do this for an hour, doing it for 10 minutes is pointless."
Reflection: What does "good enough" look like right now?
An ongoing inner monologue that berates you harshly.
"You're going to screw this up just like you always do."
Reflection: Would I say these exact words to a friend in my position?
The Temperance Toolbox